Freshers fair, always freshers flu!

Yep, it's been a day since they arrived and the freshers have already passed on the flu! Feeling really rough and can't do anything except take a lot of drugs and stick it out! By the Grace of God I have a whole day off tomorrow. The big bum is I'm really fired up, but I have no energy. I'll be cheering from the sidelines for most of the week. Gods way of making me patient! I love suffering.

Had a brilliant week of training. Wales is the most amazing place. I've learnt a lot and I'm gonna stick by my guns for the next year when talking about God. I will nail my colours to the mast!

Feeling rather lonely at the mo. In need of a big hug from a man. There is always girl hugs, but I find they never totally encompass. I'll be fine though, it's not like they are in short supply!

Leaving!

Well thats it, I'm all packed and ready to leave Essex until such a time as it calls me back. Today I wasn't really looking forward to going, I'd said goodbye to my grandparents (they went on holiday AGAIN!) and I'll not see a large majority of my Essex friends until Christmas now, which means I have to remember to write to them! Then I got a phone call from a Luton person and now I'm rather excited!

So off I go to start my final year at Uni, prayers much appreciated!

(none) Cos thats how I feel

Hrmph! I just wrote something really great and the server crashed! Oh I'm so annoyed with the internet.

Anyway, The long and short of it was that God's got something big for me but I can't peer over his fingers and see because I'm really scared. I'm sitting in his hand at the moment! I'm just thinking about how hard it could be for me over the next year. But also thinking if everthing is in Gods plan then he'll put people around who can help me through it.

I also was talking about running away from God - not a good thing, look at what Jonah went through! Yeah, I'm gonna try not to run away from Gods plan for me and if he asks me to do something I will definitely not be half-hearted about it!

Tripping

No, you are not alowed to get the wrong idea of me! All I mean is I spent yesterday driving my little brother to see his almost-nearly-girlfriend. Those two have spent the last 3 or so years being on and off like... well I can't think of a comparison, but you know what I mean. This time though its different (like all the other times??), he can drive to see her! So that'd be all the money he's saving to buy a car just spent on going to see her. I can understand and see the love between them, but teenage hormones and not seeking God's direction make it really confusing for both of them. All I can do now is pray for them both and pick her up when she wants to come here and he wants to drink. He already knows the way by heart (with a duplicate meaning)!

Of course I was feeling a little out of place for most of yesterday. I was the oldest in the room and I really had no right to be there. I thought about going to find a nice bit of grass to fall asleep on, but then I realised that I could simply concentrate on me for a while and not have to participate in the conversation. For once I was glad to be rather invisible. In hindsight probably should have thought about it a little more as next year is gonna be very busy and me-time will probably be well down the list. Having to rely on God to tell me to have a day off and enjoy his company and no one else's. Failing that I'm sure someone else will tell me!

Discovered last night that I'm no longer allowed to talk about boy in my sister's company. She doesn't like it. I tried to not talk about him so much over the last few weeks, but sometimes its really hard. My friends on the other hand think its cute. I'm still not sure!

To and fro...

... is how I'd describe my summer, then it would have to be 'totally and utterly amazing'! Just a week before I travel back to Luton for the first three months of my final year at Uni, I am reflecting on what has been a busy, wet and God filled 12 weeks. This has been by far, the greatest summer for a while. I have definitely appreciated having a house to go into and chill out in. It amazing how many people I've seen over the last twelve weeks and not intended to see. Like my impromtue trip to Soul in The City and the various one nighters in Luton that have made this summer totally worth while. I'm not saying that I'd rather be in Luton, but I think that following Gods path, direction (two differrent things, I think) and giving into total spontinaity has put me in the right place at the right time. I'm very happy for it!!!

Glad to be heading back to luton and finally being able to answer the 'have you moved in?' question with 'yes!!' To say I'm fed up of explaining myself does my state of mind an injustice! But yeay, back to Luton in a week. No more driving around my little brother, but have to endure the boys next door! It'll be fine... I'll keep telling myself!

Keep an eye out for up dates on the boy situation and feel free to try and pass on some of Gods guidance!!!

What do we do to ourselves?

I have just spent a very long afternoon with one of my best mates in Essex. She's a lovely girl, if a little dizzy and a lightweight. Both of which I don't tend on ever changing. I love her the way she is, but her dizziness does get her into some of the most confusing situations, even if they are just in her head!So we kinda spent the afternoon thinking about what she could do and how exactly she is gonna get herself sorted before uni starts again. This really got me thinking...

... I know its not something I do regularly, but I have actually been challenging myself into changing my view of relationships. Single people around me will testify that everyone is trying to set everyone else up. Whilst on holiday, my lovely group did attempt and fail! It seems to be the past time of those couples who are 'new', other single people and youth leaders, if none of these try, then the youth group is always willing to chip in the odd person or two. Most of the time we singles are subject to innocent banter between mates, which is actually a lot of fun over a few drinks, but the rest of the time modern western match making can be seen as a pretty serious business. Here's where the thinking bit plunges in, why do we do it? Why do we put up with every little smile towards a member of the opposite sex being scruntinised down to the last tooth? Something in me shouts 'not again!' everytime some blokes name is mentioned. I am actually fed up of the comments made and trying to treat men as brothers in Christ is so hard, if the world is insistent that you should fancy everyone that pulls a smile at you.

I'm challenging myself to stop fancying and start loving, loving like I love my little brother.

Home, but not so Alone

You know that feeling when all you can think about is how nice it is to be alone? I've got one of those at the moment. Its very strange going from living in a house by yourself for a couple of days, and coming back to a full family life that seems to have moved on with out you. Things just happen when I'm away and no-one thinks to tell me. Obviously there isn't much I can do about them once they have happened, but I seem to be the last to know. Some events are pretty huge, like my best friend dumping her bloke and finding someone else (in the space of a week) and some are relatively small, like the plumber not coming to fix the bath (its still broke we've been waiting a month). You know, all these types of things that my parents forgot telling me because I have other problems, or they complain because I just don't ask! Oh well. I'll probably have to get used to it as I'm going back to Uni in a couple of weeks and I can't imagine ever being rung up by my mum with some news. I'll always have to ring her!

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