This all sounds like too much hard work...

What does, I hear you cry?

Well actually I'm the one crying, I've got a report due next week, its the hardest thing ever, I've got loads of reading to do for dissertation, my diary is starting to get heavy from the amount of ink in it and my life at home is slowly but surely falling down around my family's ears.

I need a big hug. Not just from God, but from the boy. I know, the question is, 'how can this be helpful at such a time?' the answer is, 'let me have my little things and by God's amazing grace I shall cope'.

For those of you who don't know, I found out last night that my grandad's cancer is incurable. He's gonna start treatment soon. There's not much more I can say. I have nothing to say. Apart from thankyou to everyone around me. For the support and the shut mouths.

I thank God too. There is nothing more I can do. I'm moving in all God's might right now. I got up because of God and I'll survive this weekend because of God. Prayer and praise through the suffering, a few months ago my suffering was little compared to others, I guess in a way it still is, but I'm feeling it in my heart.

Put on a happy face and off to a boring and unhelpful lecture (which would be any subject that isn't about how to cure the incurable)!

Away

Well, having got back from my weekend away (at Southport on Youthwork the conference), I can say that I've learnt alot and have a lot to learn.

God spoke to me.

"Karen, Karen, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." Luke 10:41-42

So, I know I need to stop worrying, but I'm now happy to let it all go. Yes, occasionally I will be stressed, but now I'm all up for avoiding burnout. The courage to say "no".

Apologies to those who I had text conversations with after vowing to turn off my phone, I guess being a people (nosy?) person has its downsides!

Looking without seeing

Well there’s not much more I can say. Some one was surprised that I hadn’t said anything all week. People, I’m proper busy right now.

Anyway… moving on slightly. I realised that I spend a lot of my time complaining, so instead I'll tell you some thing. Last night something really amazing happened.

My prayers were answered. I have had a lot of clouded thoughts recently over some situations. Yesterday was a really good day but I couldn't put my finger on why.

Then as i was sitting in bed, I decided to turn to my Bible. I'm currently studying the Unseen part of life, so i was looking at 2 Kings 6: 8-17, where Elisha asks God to open the eyes of his servant.

Little did I know that as I was reading, my prayer had been answered. Instead of praying for my eyes to be opened I ended up spending time praising God for opening my eyes!

How amazing?

It just shows that you can look without seeing.


Aside from that (which is huge, I've been praying for 6 months), I'm great. Busy but there's not really much I can do about it. I've got a meeting with my dissertation supervisor in 8 minutes and I'm doing a presentation on Youth Justice at 3.45pm. Then I am off to the YouthWork Conference, yeay for learning (I do get to see my Dad, which is an added bonus, and he won't be so stressed)!

So, to recap (in practice for concluding presentation),
I have had an answer to prayer,
I'm so busy that I have to spend some time prioritising (there's a christmas present list to be written soon, must not forget),
I'm going away (and I'm switching my phone off),
And my brain is now unclouded!

PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!!!

Sunday Lunch

Yet again I've had a great weekend.

Thankyou to everyone who helped out, and for those who hindered the process slightly, without whom we would not have laughed.

I still love serving people. Although totaly drained and not looking forward to getting back to work.

I realised that my problems may be around for a while and I'm just gonna have to cope. End of story.

I was in the office today, staring at a poster that says 'My life would be empty with out stress'. True, too true. 1 presentation, 1 to go. Off to search the library again.

Still

Still.
Still here.
Still thinking.
Still working.

Yes, you join me at the calm before the storm.
My house is hosting dinner before fireworks tonight and lunch tomorrow after noon.

Two very busy events withing 24 hours. For me that means theres a lot of clearing to be done. I'm looking forward to it though.

You'll be happy to know that I've written at least 1 of the presentations I have to do next week and if I could find the books for the one on friday I would be dong the work, but no. The silly library is rubbish. No books, anywhere. I'm just ready to email my lecturer.

Was thinking about how everything seems to become very quiet in the rain when someone beeped their horn! Maybe not so quiet, eh?

I'm staring at St Marys clock, as I so regularly do, and have noted that it says 11.30 still. They've nearly finished cleaning the tower, but no-one has remembered to set the clock. Sort it out!

So the fireworks tonight, something I can say I am looking forward to. With one little problem: felt rather lonely this morning (yes it was this morning, i'm not that lazy) when I woke up. I think, yet again, I have over-romanticsied this evening in my head. Blergh. Girls you understand, right?

Feeling the need

The need to say stuff that some people may not like.

I think I have to first address the current issue: the re-election of Mr Bush. I think I can turly say that after many silly things done in the last four years, this is the silliest.

Why re-elcet this man? Have the small words he uses been covering the big mistakes he's made? I think the US people can officially be defined as 'the blind leading the blind'. I don't understand politics at the best of times, but I can see the bad decision thats just been made.

Secondly I ask the question:
If someone asks you something and their life depends on the answer, would you try your hardest to scrape together an answer?

Many people would say yes.

This did not occur to the people who are currently dealing with my granddad. They have no idea what is going on in his body, not even an indication. My mum said that the consultant had no clue what he was talking about and they have to go in to London for a second opinion.

What do we as a country strive for? Mr Blair's reaction would make me assume we live to please. What was the consultant thinking about when he was talking to my Nan and Granddad, his lunch? The queues? More than likely.

I cried again.
I cried because its out of control.
I cried because people are asking me questions that I can't answer.


I've been challenged to listen to God. I'm doing a talk on it on Sunday morning. I think I'm gonna go for another walk on Saturday, or I'll spend the day at home thinking about how dirty my house is.

I'm listening to God. I'm gonna attempt to listen in the right place.

I'd like to thank the people I've eaten with in the last week. For their support and ideas. For the challenges and helpful comments. I love everyone of you.

Choose the light

So St Marys started its new series on different movies last night, with Lord of The Rings.

Can't say I was that enthralled by the actually movie, but the message was very good. We talk constantly about the difference between dark and light and the fight that exsists in the world. People are starting to think.

It was very reassuring yesterday morning when I heard one young person actually contemplating what it meant to live in the light.

Yesterday evening was all good until the end of the service when a lot of stuff hit me. I'm still crying loads.

It suddenly struck me that its ok for me to be an emotional wreck right now, I have full reason, so I lived up to it for a full five minutes!

Crying can be such a release, and not just for girls!

I feel a lot better now, I'll be ok.