Essex!!

Just a quickie, as I have managed to fill another day with nothing! It's already the 3rd day back in Essex for a 3 month holiday as such, and my unpacking is 1/3 done. Yes just one third. I have done nothing for 3 days except see friends and shop. I'm looking after the boys again, parents are on holiday. Seriously these children are so spoilt they don't know whats hit them when I come home. My little brothers are nightmares.

I'm going back to Luton for a training day tomorrow I'm so happy. I get to drive, which I love and I see all my friends for dinner. It's gonna be so much fun. The boy will hopefully be there. We're still friends, I'm still confused, we're just bouncing along really.

Been chatting to an old mate recently. My confidence in being single has risen again. I'm great where I am and there's nothing you can do about it!!

Love

Yeah, well I'm still in Essex, spending some time doing an essay that's due in too soon. I have a question, something that I have been meaning to ask you for a while. What happens when you fall in love with some one who you couldn't possibly live with? I know, its a really weird question isn't it. I'm glad that some one invented the question mark, there'd be so much confusion with out it, I mean we'd all have to make statements instead of questions. Ok, was gonna put the example of what would happen if you asked some one to marry you, but that would be exploring the inner (and sometimes quite obvious) workings of my mind, and being a psychologist I don't really wanna go there!

So back to that terribly important question, what happens when you fall in love with some one who you couldn't possibly live with? Truth is, I don't know, I was hoping you'd come up with something helpful. I think it would help if I had a moment of realisation that I couldn't fall for this person and then maybe I'd snap out of the stupid daydreams that mean my essay is 100 words shorter than I'd like it to be. I was typing last night and for some reason the word lonely came up on screen. Did my unconscious suddenly kick in and make me sit up to reality. It was one of those 'smelling the coffee' moments. The person I hope I'm not falling for I happen to be totally comfortable with, in the way we act and the way we speak. We can talk about who he fancies (yes, she's really nice and no, I'm not jealous, if I was my whole world would fall apart) and who I fancy (no not him, we can't do that, not after the previous problems someone else had with that situation : word of advice : don't tell a guy you love him in code, men aren't as stupid as they look!) whilst hugging and leaning on each other. It great to have that person there, but if any one was watching us, and believe me they do, you would think a whole other thing. Which non-couple do you know read the paper together? See, easily mis-interpreted. Some of this stuff I think I'm gonna have to take off paper and put into words to some one else. Not him, or maybe... its the 'will it, won't it be helpful' dilemma!Probably not right now & probably not while the relationship is still growing into what it could be. I think I'll sit back and enjoy the comfort I've found. I'll let him sing to me, but there is no way he's gonna get me playing that guitar!

there's some one else who is on my mind at the moment. A very ex-boyfriend who can't seem to stay on track. Lord knows how hard we've all tried. I know God has him in his hands and he'll not be able to escape, but I'd like to see some fruits to the labour. I'm not gonna get in touch, but I really am gonna try and stay in touch. We'll see, eh? Lots of praying to be done.

Working Holidays

Wahey, not only have I been to and from Luton in the last couple of weeks, but I have also had both Luton and Essex follow me to my working holiday in Skegness, of all places. Yep this year I had my first leadership trip to Spring Harvest (for more details look at Spring Harvest). Watch 11-13's grow in Christ over a week is the most intense thing. The spiritual warfare is so great by the 3rd night we really spent most of our time praying. It was hard to grasp the idea that these children could be the next Church leaders and we had helped sow that seed. The team was amazing and I'm really grateful to everyone who prayer for me and helped out.

As I said, Luton followed me there too. In the shape of some YFC empolyees. I spent most of my free time with one particular one and got to know them really well. I'm gonna miss doing what we did. Its nothing sordid or wrong, but something that you'd definitely miss. I keep thinking about what'll happen when I go back to Luton in a weeks time, hopefully nothing will have changed. I'm just praying that my friendship with this person won't go sour, like it has done with some one else I know.

Hard work

Well, I'm back in rainy old Luton again. I'm glad to be here really. I've done most of my work and I just need to hand it in and do a presentation.

I can't really believe I've only a week and a half til Easter, it seemed so far off but now I'm making arrangements to move back to Essex for 3 weeks and see every one. Something, as you can tell, I'm not looking forward to. I'm really gonna miss Luton and all the people, although a couple of the most important are following me when I go on a Youth work Holiday, and my bestest mate is coming to see me, but don't tell my parents as I haven't asked them yet!! So Luton, much like Essex really is evert where!

Argh!!

Argh!!! So I traveled all the way home to Essex, being the good daughter, to babysit my little brothers and there is no way I can be a mother. They just completely ignored me and expected me to do something close to being their slave. I dunno how my mother copes. The second I got in after a hour and a half drive, the littlest one wanted a lift to his girlfriends and picking up. I know that everyone says this, but I will never let my kids run over me like that. It is totally possible to balance discipline and Love, God does it everyday. Ok, so he is God, and we're all only human, but if you love someone surly that's what you'd do.

Well, I'm back in Essex for the weekend and already madly missing Luton and the things in it, especially the people. It's so hard to realise that there is actually a life outside your own, and it moves on regardless of you most of the time. I miss the Luton people so much right now because I'm so close to them. I can't ever have imagined staying in the same place for the whole of my life, I'd be missing so many opportunities. I'm so happy that I'm missing everyone, as weird as it sounds. God put me in Luton with out a shadow of a doubt and I can be happy I'm missing it because of that. I know I'll be right back in the thick of it in a couple of days time, I just have to see the Essex people first.

I have to tell you the last week has been absolutely amazing, I've really grown close to a couple of people, but it feels so strange to have those people interested in me because of me, and not the other way round, or with ulterior motives. I love it so much. Praise God for all he has done in my life and all the lives surrounding me.

Yeay!

Ha ha!! I'm on, can you believe it? Well, I think that I'll won't mind if this gets seen, but hey you never know. There will always be some one who is reading over your shoulder, especially if your only Internet access is from the uni you moved to just 18 months ago. Which really explains the title of this. I moved from Essex to bedfordshire and I now know the similarities and differences of the world at large. Most people would suggest that both places are rubbish and they don't out weigh each other on the rubbish scale, but I, of course would have to disagree. I love both places with all my heart. The Essex in me cries out that my current place, (oh, I'll give it away, seeing as you'll guess anyway) Luton, isn't all that bad and in many cases it can be better than Essex. My job means that I promote my Uni, and I find myself being openly honest about what I really think. Luton and Essex are really excellent. I know loads of people in both places and I wouldn't exchange the time I've had for the world. Well thats the start... where will it finish?