Tuesday, April 20, 2004


Yeah, well I'm still in Essex, spending some time doing an essay that's due in too soon. I have a question, something that I have been meaning to ask you for a while. What happens when you fall in love with some one who you couldn't possibly live with? I know, its a really weird question isn't it. I'm glad that some one invented the question mark, there'd be so much confusion with out it, I mean we'd all have to make statements instead of questions. Ok, was gonna put the example of what would happen if you asked some one to marry you, but that would be exploring the inner (and sometimes quite obvious) workings of my mind, and being a psychologist I don't really wanna go there!

So back to that terribly important question, what happens when you fall in love with some one who you couldn't possibly live with? Truth is, I don't know, I was hoping you'd come up with something helpful. I think it would help if I had a moment of realisation that I couldn't fall for this person and then maybe I'd snap out of the stupid daydreams that mean my essay is 100 words shorter than I'd like it to be. I was typing last night and for some reason the word lonely came up on screen. Did my unconscious suddenly kick in and make me sit up to reality. It was one of those 'smelling the coffee' moments. The person I hope I'm not falling for I happen to be totally comfortable with, in the way we act and the way we speak. We can talk about who he fancies (yes, she's really nice and no, I'm not jealous, if I was my whole world would fall apart) and who I fancy (no not him, we can't do that, not after the previous problems someone else had with that situation : word of advice : don't tell a guy you love him in code, men aren't as stupid as they look!) whilst hugging and leaning on each other. It great to have that person there, but if any one was watching us, and believe me they do, you would think a whole other thing. Which non-couple do you know read the paper together? See, easily mis-interpreted. Some of this stuff I think I'm gonna have to take off paper and put into words to some one else. Not him, or maybe... its the 'will it, won't it be helpful' dilemma!Probably not right now & probably not while the relationship is still growing into what it could be. I think I'll sit back and enjoy the comfort I've found. I'll let him sing to me, but there is no way he's gonna get me playing that guitar!

there's some one else who is on my mind at the moment. A very ex-boyfriend who can't seem to stay on track. Lord knows how hard we've all tried. I know God has him in his hands and he'll not be able to escape, but I'd like to see some fruits to the labour. I'm not gonna get in touch, but I really am gonna try and stay in touch. We'll see, eh? Lots of praying to be done.