Just 24 hours ago I was probably on a tube somewhere in the middle of London.
I loved the tube chase by all accounts. We had a few incidents and a minor disagreement about the most expensive thing in Harrods, but all round the girls in my group were pretty happy to indulge in my need to look at beautiful dresses, my slight competitive streak and my photography of random things.
What they didn't like was London speed. We got to 4 of the 5 stops and made it back with 10 mins to spare (always on time!). The reason we only did 4 stops is the speed we traveled at. I'm quite happy to walk fast around London, its a matter of keeping up with the crowds, but yesterday's crowds were all tourists and 1/2 term parents. Stopping in the middle of a path to 'aww' at big ben doesn't really make me any less stressed. Stop at the side of the path, not in my way (not that I don't like tourists, but living so close to London makes me see it as just a town).
So we came 3rd, Charlies group (the person who wrote the quiz) came 1st. I think you may all want to join me in a chorus of 'FIX'!
Then standing on the station, ready to go, I got a phone call from home.
Thinking I was going to be asked a question I was all cheery. Then my Mum told me that my Granddad is ill and has to have treatment.
What a difference a day makes....
I switched off, Charlie was trying to tell my something about the trains and I totally missed everything. I couldn't grasp it. So I changed in to 'up beat and happy' youth worker and got people on trains, knowing full well that sadness turns in to anger.
In the end I channeled my self and stood waiting to see Chris and her group on to the train. The last boys group were late, we left with out them.
I've cried, I've cried lots.
I'm just about to head off to a park and enjoy the light, before the darkest night of the year.
Saturday, October 30, 2004
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Sigh
Blergh! Stuck in a rut. Blergh!
Don't know what to do or how to get out of my sistuation. Doing alot of praying right now.
Seem to be constantly aware of who I talk to and where I go.
It was definitely alot easier for early christians to evangelise!
Help me God! Whatever I need to do, wherever I need to go, send me there. I don't want to be stuck.
Don't know what to do or how to get out of my sistuation. Doing alot of praying right now.
Seem to be constantly aware of who I talk to and where I go.
It was definitely alot easier for early christians to evangelise!
Help me God! Whatever I need to do, wherever I need to go, send me there. I don't want to be stuck.
Monday, October 25, 2004
Oh Ok...
Wow, its been a weird day. I cried this mornig over a picture. Someone left a picture in my diary of Jesus holding me as a small child. I just cried for a few mintues before making my way to start my day. The whole of the last weekend has been great. I've spent so much time with my friends. It was really wonderful. The tears were relief maybe, or just an acknowledgement that I can't do everything by myself and I need to find time to relax. I have to realise this over and over again, I'm sure I'll learn eventually!
I've had Psalm 145 v 8 going around in my head for several weeks and I had to ask for clarity (So "Gotta Get Thru This" is playing!) as to what it means for my life. There was too much going on in my head today and I couldn't even describe it to the chaplain.
I've had to decline a shopping trip to MK because I have two presentations to write and not enough time. Tragic I know, but I think I'm still working off the last 3 (intentional) shopping trips.
Many people noticed the change in my personality today because I'm having a hard time with the amount of complaining I do.
The Bible calls us to live our lives without complaining. But it's become a bad habit. I open my mouth and I tend to complain. I can talk up alot of stuff, but I find it hard to be positive without the negative coming out too.
I've got a case of "it's great but..." There are several things in my life I can't complain about but still manage to find something to say!.
I have a roof over my head, I live with 3 great friends, loads of people who care about me and value me, my family and food (pretty much an endless supply of biscuits and hot chocolate at least). God has provided so well for me and at the moment I find myself focussed on short term goals.
Again I recall Psalm 145 v 8 "The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love". I'm working through what it means, but right now I can see that God has given me what I need because he love me. He provides richly and I should respond in a way that is more like him. I should aim to be gracious and compassionate in all I do.
"Slow to anger" reminds me of how I feel about my family right now and how I feel about my house. I'm annoyed at the littlest things and there is really no need. My little brother is away right now and all I can really do is wait and pray for him. I would like him to go into a worship ministry, but I think he has other plans. I need to encourage him to open the door.
I've also been challenged about having all the answers, and how I actually don't. Some times the more mature person will own up to not knowing. I have this problem with one person in particular, but now I'v realised I just need to be encouraging that person to find the right path towards the answer. I hope that this week i can put my practical abilities in to action.
I want to grow in God and I think gaining wisdom, and not knowledge, is part of that.
I've had Psalm 145 v 8 going around in my head for several weeks and I had to ask for clarity (So "Gotta Get Thru This" is playing!) as to what it means for my life. There was too much going on in my head today and I couldn't even describe it to the chaplain.
I've had to decline a shopping trip to MK because I have two presentations to write and not enough time. Tragic I know, but I think I'm still working off the last 3 (intentional) shopping trips.
Many people noticed the change in my personality today because I'm having a hard time with the amount of complaining I do.
The Bible calls us to live our lives without complaining. But it's become a bad habit. I open my mouth and I tend to complain. I can talk up alot of stuff, but I find it hard to be positive without the negative coming out too.
I've got a case of "it's great but..." There are several things in my life I can't complain about but still manage to find something to say!.
I have a roof over my head, I live with 3 great friends, loads of people who care about me and value me, my family and food (pretty much an endless supply of biscuits and hot chocolate at least). God has provided so well for me and at the moment I find myself focussed on short term goals.
Again I recall Psalm 145 v 8 "The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love". I'm working through what it means, but right now I can see that God has given me what I need because he love me. He provides richly and I should respond in a way that is more like him. I should aim to be gracious and compassionate in all I do.
"Slow to anger" reminds me of how I feel about my family right now and how I feel about my house. I'm annoyed at the littlest things and there is really no need. My little brother is away right now and all I can really do is wait and pray for him. I would like him to go into a worship ministry, but I think he has other plans. I need to encourage him to open the door.
I've also been challenged about having all the answers, and how I actually don't. Some times the more mature person will own up to not knowing. I have this problem with one person in particular, but now I'v realised I just need to be encouraging that person to find the right path towards the answer. I hope that this week i can put my practical abilities in to action.
I want to grow in God and I think gaining wisdom, and not knowledge, is part of that.
Friday, October 22, 2004
Its the weekend!
Well, it will be once I've done the Youth Justice Lecture.
I'm looking forward to this one. I get to spend some time with the youth tonight. The St Marys Youth is a very mixed bunch, but they are great. Don't think I'd enjoy Luton with out them. I dunno how much running around tonight will involve, but we haven't had a Friday night for a while, so hopefully a lot. I've got a lot of pent up worry that I could do with a bit of escapism!
Then on Saturday I plan to do nothing for the first 18 hours. By which point some girls will start arriving and much to the dismay of the boys in the house the lambrini (Essex!) will come out and we're gonna laugh/cry at Titanic, and admire Romeo. Yeay for a girlie night in.
Followed by a creative worship session in the morning on Sunday. I dunno what Sunday daytime holds yet, but I'm hoping I'll get some quality time with some people or I may just ring my dad and enquire how the car looks (and cry again, maybe).
Just have to make you aware of the people around you. Look around for a mintue next time you are in a shopping centre or the like. I'm in the IT suite at Uni and I'm surrounded but loads of cultures. It's great and I love the mix in Luton. God's creation, and some of them don't even know it. Maybe I shouldn't be just sitting here, but I don't think proclaiming the Gospel whilst standing on a table will go down too well!
Anyway, small up date on dissertation, I've started reading, under the advice that if I do and I'm told that I didn't need to then I can just as easily forget it. There are enough hours in the day to read articles and get a general jist, no need to detail just yet. Still haven't met the supervisior, may talk to the other lady today.
Have a great weekend everyone. Enjoy it while it lasts!
I'm looking forward to this one. I get to spend some time with the youth tonight. The St Marys Youth is a very mixed bunch, but they are great. Don't think I'd enjoy Luton with out them. I dunno how much running around tonight will involve, but we haven't had a Friday night for a while, so hopefully a lot. I've got a lot of pent up worry that I could do with a bit of escapism!
Then on Saturday I plan to do nothing for the first 18 hours. By which point some girls will start arriving and much to the dismay of the boys in the house the lambrini (Essex!) will come out and we're gonna laugh/cry at Titanic, and admire Romeo. Yeay for a girlie night in.
Followed by a creative worship session in the morning on Sunday. I dunno what Sunday daytime holds yet, but I'm hoping I'll get some quality time with some people or I may just ring my dad and enquire how the car looks (and cry again, maybe).
Just have to make you aware of the people around you. Look around for a mintue next time you are in a shopping centre or the like. I'm in the IT suite at Uni and I'm surrounded but loads of cultures. It's great and I love the mix in Luton. God's creation, and some of them don't even know it. Maybe I shouldn't be just sitting here, but I don't think proclaiming the Gospel whilst standing on a table will go down too well!
Anyway, small up date on dissertation, I've started reading, under the advice that if I do and I'm told that I didn't need to then I can just as easily forget it. There are enough hours in the day to read articles and get a general jist, no need to detail just yet. Still haven't met the supervisior, may talk to the other lady today.
Have a great weekend everyone. Enjoy it while it lasts!
Thursday, October 21, 2004
Working through the pain for the joy
That's the pain of a headache, nothing more, nothing less. I'm being really old at the moment. But that's because I saw Delirious? at Bletchley Leisure Centre last night. And I'd have to say I'm very amazed!
Chris and I managed to be first in the queue, an achievement I think, seeing as we then got to choose our spot on the front row (which was very far away from the loud annoying youth group that insisted on shouting at every opportunity - we were in the queue still in the queue at this point). So there we stood, through Taylor Sorensen (two man band, very impressive even after a string broke) and Rock 'n' Roll Worship Circus (amazing, very stylish), then on come Delirious? Having not really heard much of world service I found it very easy to part-take in the songs. I didn't think I'd ever love the fact that what they write is so catchy! It was great fun and I really felt like I was talking to God.
Then we get to a classic part of any show where the oldies come out. So we had the Happy song, history maker, I could sing... and various others. This is where the worship part of me really kicked in. I loved it. All the time spent just praying to God through the music. History Maker struck a cord with me, I'd never really thought about the promise behind that song until last night. Can I really say 'I'm gonna be a history maker in this land?' or am I just singing because I know the words? I changed them, 'I wanna be a history maker, help me'. We know the score when we make requests to God, he'll answer them. We were asked to name a dream in cell leaders training a week ago, and I said (as a bit of an after thought) that I wanted to make a difference after I graduate. Now I'm gonna ask God to help me be a history maker!
One thing that I most dislike about concerts is the idea that you have to clap after every song. There were no really quiet bits last night, and the over-excited youth group just clapped at everything. I do understand, and they'll grow out of it, I just hope that they grow out of it somewhere far away from me.
Left the lei-sure (Rock 'n' roll worship circus are american, theres not much we can do!) centre, felt really happy and I was really enjoying chatting to the guys from my local church. They had an excellent time and the bus trip home was more hyper-active than the whole night, maybe that's where the headache came from?
Chris and I managed to be first in the queue, an achievement I think, seeing as we then got to choose our spot on the front row (which was very far away from the loud annoying youth group that insisted on shouting at every opportunity - we were in the queue still in the queue at this point). So there we stood, through Taylor Sorensen (two man band, very impressive even after a string broke) and Rock 'n' Roll Worship Circus (amazing, very stylish), then on come Delirious? Having not really heard much of world service I found it very easy to part-take in the songs. I didn't think I'd ever love the fact that what they write is so catchy! It was great fun and I really felt like I was talking to God.
Then we get to a classic part of any show where the oldies come out. So we had the Happy song, history maker, I could sing... and various others. This is where the worship part of me really kicked in. I loved it. All the time spent just praying to God through the music. History Maker struck a cord with me, I'd never really thought about the promise behind that song until last night. Can I really say 'I'm gonna be a history maker in this land?' or am I just singing because I know the words? I changed them, 'I wanna be a history maker, help me'. We know the score when we make requests to God, he'll answer them. We were asked to name a dream in cell leaders training a week ago, and I said (as a bit of an after thought) that I wanted to make a difference after I graduate. Now I'm gonna ask God to help me be a history maker!
One thing that I most dislike about concerts is the idea that you have to clap after every song. There were no really quiet bits last night, and the over-excited youth group just clapped at everything. I do understand, and they'll grow out of it, I just hope that they grow out of it somewhere far away from me.
Left the lei-sure (Rock 'n' roll worship circus are american, theres not much we can do!) centre, felt really happy and I was really enjoying chatting to the guys from my local church. They had an excellent time and the bus trip home was more hyper-active than the whole night, maybe that's where the headache came from?
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Not doing much.
Not anything in particular, but do you ever get one of those days where you feel like you could be so much more busy than you actually are?
It felt like that today, I still haven't met my dissertation supervisor and I'm rather annoyed that I still can't start working on it. I have no idea how much work I need to do. I think I'll sort that out tonight after I've got in and sorted out my house. I'm quite distressed on the inside thinking about everything I have to do, but on the outside (frustratingly), I'm ok. I'll deal with it later. Have a morning to my self tomorrow, so I'll sort it.
It felt like that today, I still haven't met my dissertation supervisor and I'm rather annoyed that I still can't start working on it. I have no idea how much work I need to do. I think I'll sort that out tonight after I've got in and sorted out my house. I'm quite distressed on the inside thinking about everything I have to do, but on the outside (frustratingly), I'm ok. I'll deal with it later. Have a morning to my self tomorrow, so I'll sort it.
Monday, October 18, 2004
Confusing...
... a word I would use to descibe boys. I found in the last few years that Boys are just as confusing as girls if not more so. I have incredible trouble trying to sort out my own head!
My advice to all the girls out there: (well I'd love to help, but then I'd be an expert and I'm blatantly not). I may be a psychologist at heart, bbut my heart can definitely not deal with boys right now.
I'm in that lovely little space called 'single'. Its great, I'm glad God has put me here for the last couple of years, but what I have discovered is that this doesn't stop the constant talk about love and life. I complained a while ago about people talking about my love life and someone said (very wisely) 'which love life? you don't have one' He had made a very profound point. So I'm back in the space I was a few weeks ago where I have no need to worry about it and although I maybe very confused at the moment I can rest in the knowledge that God is looking after me and all the confusing boys and I no longer need to feel confused.
I think I'll just float in the river for a bit.
My advice to all the girls out there: (well I'd love to help, but then I'd be an expert and I'm blatantly not). I may be a psychologist at heart, bbut my heart can definitely not deal with boys right now.
I'm in that lovely little space called 'single'. Its great, I'm glad God has put me here for the last couple of years, but what I have discovered is that this doesn't stop the constant talk about love and life. I complained a while ago about people talking about my love life and someone said (very wisely) 'which love life? you don't have one' He had made a very profound point. So I'm back in the space I was a few weeks ago where I have no need to worry about it and although I maybe very confused at the moment I can rest in the knowledge that God is looking after me and all the confusing boys and I no longer need to feel confused.
I think I'll just float in the river for a bit.
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