Monday, October 25, 2004

Oh Ok...

Wow, its been a weird day. I cried this mornig over a picture. Someone left a picture in my diary of Jesus holding me as a small child. I just cried for a few mintues before making my way to start my day. The whole of the last weekend has been great. I've spent so much time with my friends. It was really wonderful. The tears were relief maybe, or just an acknowledgement that I can't do everything by myself and I need to find time to relax. I have to realise this over and over again, I'm sure I'll learn eventually!

I've had Psalm 145 v 8 going around in my head for several weeks and I had to ask for clarity (So "Gotta Get Thru This" is playing!) as to what it means for my life. There was too much going on in my head today and I couldn't even describe it to the chaplain.

I've had to decline a shopping trip to MK because I have two presentations to write and not enough time. Tragic I know, but I think I'm still working off the last 3 (intentional) shopping trips.

Many people noticed the change in my personality today because I'm having a hard time with the amount of complaining I do.

The Bible calls us to live our lives without complaining. But it's become a bad habit. I open my mouth and I tend to complain. I can talk up alot of stuff, but I find it hard to be positive without the negative coming out too.

I've got a case of "it's great but..." There are several things in my life I can't complain about but still manage to find something to say!.

I have a roof over my head, I live with 3 great friends, loads of people who care about me and value me, my family and food (pretty much an endless supply of biscuits and hot chocolate at least). God has provided so well for me and at the moment I find myself focussed on short term goals.

Again I recall Psalm 145 v 8 "The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love". I'm working through what it means, but right now I can see that God has given me what I need because he love me. He provides richly and I should respond in a way that is more like him. I should aim to be gracious and compassionate in all I do.

"Slow to anger" reminds me of how I feel about my family right now and how I feel about my house. I'm annoyed at the littlest things and there is really no need. My little brother is away right now and all I can really do is wait and pray for him. I would like him to go into a worship ministry, but I think he has other plans. I need to encourage him to open the door.

I've also been challenged about having all the answers, and how I actually don't. Some times the more mature person will own up to not knowing. I have this problem with one person in particular, but now I'v realised I just need to be encouraging that person to find the right path towards the answer. I hope that this week i can put my practical abilities in to action.

I want to grow in God and I think gaining wisdom, and not knowledge, is part of that.